…Then please Heal my finger…
For Bible study the other night (back in Cambodia) each one of us girls was supposed to share a short testimony from our lives. I have plenty of messy and sinful stories, but I was trying to think of a time that God had physically healed me. Or even a time when God had shown me special favor that couldn’t be chalked up to coincidence.
I kept coming up with a blank…
I couldn’t remember one time where God had shown ME His love in a practical, physical way. I knew He healed others, Kaitlyn was healed of Glaucoma, Ashley had survived two car accidents that should have killed her, Ricks was healed from a liver disease that should have killed her by age 18… But why not me? Why don’t I have a testimony of God’s healing power in my life?
That night I left Bible study during testimony time so that I could be alone to talk to God.
I lay, in my tent, under the stars and begged God to show me His love again. I needed to feel Him right then. I needed something practical.
Accidentally I bumped my finger, and the infection in it flared.
A thought came to my mind. I held my finger in the air and spoke convincing words to God.
“I am Your daughter, I know You want to give me good things. You say to ask and we shall receive. Father, show me Your love by healing my finger. I believe You can do it. In fact, to prove that I believe You, I will continue to ask until it is healed. I know You are going to do this to show me Your love.”
“God, heal my finger”
I tested the sore spot, it still hurt.
Again I lift my finger in the air, “God, heal my finger”.
Nothing again, and again, and again, and again. I must have stuck my finger in the air and repeated the same words, “God, heal my finger”, over 30 times. And nothing changed, only the tears that filled my eyes.
“God, don’t You love me? Why are You not listening to me? Am I testing You? I just want to know Your love for me! Speak to me!! I need SOMETHING!!”
A part of me wanted to question God IF He even loved me, but I knew, deep down, without a doubt, that He did love me. So my next question was,
“God, HOW much do You love me?”
Immediately God responded, “I gave you my son!”
Reality set in!
Here I was, asking God to take a little infection out of my finger. I wanted Him to prove His love for me.
That night I felt like God had done a poor job of showing me His love in practical ways so that I would have testimonies to share for his glory.
BUT, in reality, God could not have possibly shown me His love in any clearer of a way then He already had!
He gave me Jesus!!!
Jesus, the one that was closest to His heart. Jesus, the one that He loved more then anything else and everything else combined. And yet He gave HIM up for ME!!! THAT IS LOVE!
And Jesus couldn’t have done anything more to display his love. He gave up everything!
John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends!
And in order to die in my place, Jesus first gave up his position, his authority, and his power, Philippians 2:4-10. He submitted to his own subjects. He was slapped in the face by human hands that he had formed. He was mocked by the hot air of men whom he had breathed life into. He took my HELL! Oh the weight of that! The wrath that millions deserved for eternity, Jesus willingly bore!
With those simple, but profound, words, “I gave you My son”, God had answered every question in my head. I could picture Him right by my side with tears running down His cheeks thinking, “How has she forgotten about my son? How can I do anything more to show her that I love her with everything that I AM, When will she stop questioning me and start believing that she IS my daughter whom I LOVE?”
My attitude completely changed, I stopped testing God and started thanking Him!
“Daddy, You never have to prove Your love for me again, You ALREADY have shown me how much you LOVE me by giving me JESUS! I cannot begin to understand the depths of THAT love!
Someday, soon, I will be able to see and feel your love in a more tangible way. But until the day that I run into Your open arms I will know that I am loved. I’ve got all of Your love that I need, and more!”
Plus, I really haven’t had that much hardship in my life! I’ve never even broken a bone (other then a possible little toe). I’ve had a few small car and scooter accidents, but nothing serious. It’s RARE that I get a cold, and on the average day I have more energy then I can use! Some day I may find out that God has been keeping me safe in all kinds of unseen ways. To be honest I often do things that could very easily end in disaster! And yet, by Gods protection, they never have! Thank you Heavenly Father!!!!
Love,
Alysa
